The Things They Found
by LoverGurrl411
Summary: What if Jacob's wolf was too dominant the night he transformed in New Moon? How would Jacob's ascension to Alpha change everything? **Jacob POV**
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer – I own nothing.

A.N – Hello Folks! So, I know if you follow any of my other stories you probably think I'm a lunatic for starting a new one, but this plot bunny just wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it out. I know it's been done before, a gazillion times, but I thought I'd throw my two cents into the ring. I've got an outline, so there's a method to my madness as you read, I swear! Sidenote: This story will be 100% Jacob POV from beginning to end. Anywho, I can't guarantee how often I'll be updating, but hopefully you'll enjoy the ride.

 _/They say heavy is the head that wears the crown_

 _Always used to think that that was just a damn excuse_

 _Something that the weak say cause they couldn't hold it down_

 _But now that I wear it, I know that shit to be true—no complaining now/_

-Heavy, Jussie Smollett

Chapter 1 – The Howls That Carried the Rain

 _Fuck_ , it hurt.

It all hurt. Every inch of my body felt like it was stretching, and pulling— _tugging_ against my skin so much it burned.

 _It's okay, it's okay, it's okay_.

I tried to calm myself, tried to breathe like those pregnant women in labor do on tv, but it didn't work. It— _fuck, please, I can't_ —

But suddenly, I couldn't hear anything, feel anything, see anything. It was like my body didn't understand it belonged to me for a second. Then, without warning, my heart beat pulsed like a drum made for war, and I could hear _everything_ , feel _everything,_ see _everything_ so goddamned clearly that I couldn't breathe.

 _What the fuck_?

 _Jake? Jake, calm down._

That voice—I knew that voice. I knew that voice, but I couldn't focus on it, because there were other voices overlapping, crossing each other and my own. It was a kind of chaos that made me want to sink and crawl into a ball on the floor; it was a kind of chaos that made me want to rage and revel in the feeling of anarchy— _pack_ —that engulfed me.

 _What the holy fuck?_

 _Someone get Sam!_

There were howls in the night, but they weren't separate from me. Those howls were a part of me, and brought something inside of me alive.

 _Everyone quiet_ —Sam's voice broke through the chaos.

I knew it was him, instinctively, and I snarled. I wanted to pause, to take a breath, but his voice rubbed me the wrong way. The tenor of his voice set me on edge, and I wanted to bite, claw, _destroy_.

 _Breathe, Jacob_.

 _What's happening_? I asked, pushing through the wall inside of me that wanted to be silent, confusion and unease making me restless.

I walked around the backyard of my house—the colors were vivid in a way I'd never noticed before. My red house had always seemed so faded, missing a _life_ to it that prettier houses, well-kept houses, houses with a mother to care for it, always seemed to have. But now I saw all the intricacies in my house that I never saw before. It wasn't simply a faded red, but bright in spots, and darker in others. It surrounded me on all sides in ways it had never done before, and I yearned for something I couldn't explain.

 _You've joined us—finally._ Sam responded, but the silence was a bit suffocating after so much noise.

 _What do you mean?_ I tried to concentrate but there was too much silence. I knew we weren't alone, but what happened to all of the voices? Why was there so much silence? _What the—_

 _The legends, they're all true._ Sam's voice was steady, almost soothing, if only it didn't grate at me. _We're protectors. We protect against—_

 _The Cullens_ , I said thoughtlessly. It was like there was a knowing deep inside of me, threatening to overpower me. I needed peace; I needed Bella.

 _No_ , _Jacob_ , Sam commanded me sharply. I could feel the hair on my entire body raise slightly, itching to attack. _You can't see Bella. You need to learn control—_

It was too much. The tenor in his voice went too deep, and the ache in my chest exploded. _You don't command me_.

 _Jacob_ , Sam said warily, as he finally reached me in the backyard. I hadn't noticed the way the sights of everyone in my head had been converging until they surrounded me. Sam continued, _I'm telling you that you can't—_

 _You don't ever command me_ , I exploded, and my body burned and stretched even further. It hurt so much that I almost buckled, and I wanted to stop myself, but I couldn't. I wasn't born to obey. I wasn't _fucking born to obey ever_ , and I lunged for Sam's throat despite the pain with an instinct that clearly struck everyone immobile.

 _Stop, Jacob—stop_ Sam ordered me as he fought back, but there was a strange euphoric sensation that overwhelmed me as I gave in to the instinct. I couldn't stop for all the diamonds and gold in the world.

Blood pooled beneath us, sunken into the earth, as we battled each other and a distinct instinct inside of us.

 _Submit_ , I tried to tear myself away from the imperative that wanted me to strike one more time. Just one more attack, and he'd be down for good. One more bite and Sam Uley would never try to give me orders again, but this was too much. We'd gone too far.

 _Submit_ , I demanded, and the tenor in my voice seemed to have practically shaken the ground as everyone else submitted—bodies low, bellies touching the floor, neck exposed.

Finally, Sam let his body fall, and exposed his neck. It was strange as fuck, but it felt right. I felt vindicated, and it was as if a cord between Sam and the rest of the pack broke, readjusted. Suddenly his order was lifted and a cacophony of voices filtered around me.

 _What the fuck?_

 _Shit._

 _Damn, dude—is he okay?_

I didn't know what just happened, and yet I knew exactly what had just happened. Everything inside of me told me that I'd just taken something from Sam—something I didn't want. Not really.

But, _fuck_ , it had all just come at me so fast, too fast.

It was still coming at me too quickly to truly process, to truly think about instead of simply reacting on instinct.

 _Calm down_ , I took a deep breath, and everyone seemed to inhale with me. We were one, _pack_. I walked over to Sam and licked at the gaping wound at the junction between his neck and shoulder. He whined, and I felt like such a fucking dick. I did this. I did this to someone, but I couldn't focus on that. Not now, not when I barely knew what was going on in the first place. Instead, I simply breathed. _I've got you, Sam. I'm right here. Just breathe through it._

 _Should we take him to Emily's?_ Embry whispered—it was strange, whispers through this mind-link. It was a lot like an echo, instead of a concrete thought.

 _She'll freak_ , Paul warily walked closer to me, and I took him in.

He was the bravest among us, the fiercest, my mind quickly assessed. It was an automatic assessment that shouldn't have happened, but the thought floated through my mind and into everyone else's, and I could feel his pride seeping into me.

 _What should we do, Jacob?_ Jared asked me, and there was this heavy pressure on my shoulder's that would've made me collapse if I wasn't already sitting next to Sam's head. _Fuck_ , I don't want anyone looking at me like that—with that much trust in their eyes, awaiting my final word.

But I couldn't simply take it all back. Whatever the fuck just happened was monumental, and I was a Black, the future Chief of his tribe; I'd fucking deal because that's what Chief's did.

 _We sit and wait_ , I said, and continued to lick some of the more noticeable wounds, ignoring the rain that had started to fall around us. No one had to tell me that he'd heal. I just knew. It was the same way I knew that I could've killed Sam with one more bite, or that I'd never be the same person ever again.

 _Jac—ob_ , Sam's consciousness floated through us for a second. It was fleeting and weak, but his body just needed time to heal. I hope. I really fucking hoped, because I didn't want to be a killer. I didn't want to be responsible for someone's death. _Sorry_ , Sam said, and I didn't know whether to laugh or kick something.

I beat him to an inch within his life, and _he's sorry_ —this was all too fucked up. But this clearly wasn't about me right now, and I couldn't let whatever this was fester.

 _Nothing to be sorry about_ , I tried to keep calm and send calm waves out, as I continued to lick his wounds. _Just breathe, and rest. We just all need to take a breath, and relax._

I was talking to myself as much as I was talking to everyone else.

Hours passed in that same position, the light drizzle steadily trying and failing to wash my sins away, surrounded by a simultaneous restlessness and stillness and the fleeting impressions of my pack. I didn't have to ask—their minds randomly flitted from one image to another; Emily's face being ripped apart, Paul's volatile relationship with his father, Jared's new imprint, Embry's argument with his mother over who his real father must be. Everything touched me like I was drowning in their minds, but the impressions were enough. I didn't want more.

I couldn't take more. Not right now.

I knew everything that I had to know to realize that I'm definitely in over my head— _fuck me._ I wasn't ready to deal with any of this. But it was too late, and Sam was healed enough to sit up.

I bumped his jaw with my nose— _We're okay, Sam._

 _Yeah_ , he stood uncertainly, shook out his fur slowly, testing out his body. Fuck, the guilt was biting at me. _We're good, Jacob._

 _Guess I can't call you baby alpha, huh?_ Paul's voice snarked at me as other impressions under the surface on his mind barreled through—his father throwing a bottle at his head—blood.

I ignored the impressions the same way everyone else apparently seemed to. _Not unless you want a beat down_ , I joked, but it tasted bitter in my mind.

I didn't want to be this kind of person. The threat of violence that had always been a front, a mask of bravado, was suddenly very real.

 _Alright_ , _guys,_ I tried to refocus, the imperative to run, to howl, to cry out all of our fears together gripped me. The word patrol slipped from Sam like a whisper, and I knew what to do. _Shake it off, and lets_ _patrol._

 _Together?_ Embry asked, clearly tired. He'd been on patrol most of the afternoon. I wanted to tell him to go home, but it didn't feel right. Fuck, these feelings were going to be a bitch to deal with.

 _Together,_ I told him, and my voice sounded strange—deeper than before. _Just for a little while, at least. Then you can all go home._

Suddenly, like they'd just been waiting for my words, everyone ran in different directions, and I could feel the earth shaking beneath their weight.

I could see all of the land of the tribe as though I was isolated in a dark room, filled by a panoramic vision of the reservation.

My body vibrated with something I'd never felt before, and suddenly, I was launching myself through the woods— _yes, yes_ —this was a type of ecstasy I'd never felt before. Before I could hold back the instinct, I howled to the moon, and my howl was like a trigger—

Everyone howled with me, and a restlessness that had been inside of me calmed. I wasn't the only one, and I realized that they, _my pack_ , had found a peace in their bones that they hadn't realized they needed, settled deep inside of them, as they howled to their new and rightful alpha.

So, what do you guys think? Liked it? Hated it? Let me know and Review **Reviews are love**


	2. The Power of Hope

Disclaimer – I own nothing

A.N – Thank you guys so much! The amount of love and interest you guys have shown this story surpassed my wildest expectations and I'm completely overjoyed. I know it's only been a week, but I finished this chapter on Monday, and today is my birthday so I thought I'd give myself a little birthday present by updating! Sidenote: I don't have a beta so sorry for any mistakes! :)

To **aholden50** , **bellbee24** , **Kesi Malfoy** , **MageVicky** , **nurseKay** , **Cacau Black** , **xXElite WolfXx** , **corkykellems** , **1sunfun** , **4Gracie04** , **Debbie Hicks** , **paige3337** , **mrslisablack** , **deadliestdistractionRN** , **Pier** , **simbacurls** , , **YaleAceBella12** : Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart! Seriously, your interest and encouragement makes me all warm and giddy inside. Hopefully this chapter will live up to your expectations!

To all who followed, favorited, and/or read silently: I feel the love, and thanks for reading!

 _/Things can get ugly, but we're still a team;_

 _We are an army that breaks from within_

 _But that's why we're stronger, and that's how we'll win/_

—Bloodsport, Raleigh Ritchie

Chapter 2 – The Power of Hope

It took me all of twenty-four hours to realize that wolves were all about touch. I tried to control the instinct to go around touching the pack, and everyone else in the tribe I came in contact with.

It was the strangest fucking thing, stranger than even phasing, frankly. It was just— _weird._ But it was also _useful_. Touching was a quick and easy way to calm someone down when tempers flared, or they got too rowdy.

And tempers flared _a lot._ A week and a half after I first phased and it was still a constant battle to get everyone to just relax; one minute everyone was smiling, and a comment later someone was at someone else's throat, literally.

It didn't help that I was on edge, practically itching to see Bella. I knew I couldn't, shouldn't, not yet anyway. But knowing didn't stop me from wanting and it didn't stop her from calling.

"How much longer are you supposed to have mono?" Billy raised an eyebrow as the phone rang behind us.

Everything from his tone of voice to his facial expression made me grind my teeth. My body practically trembled with the effort to keep myself contained. Together. _Relaxed_.

"I'll have mono as long as I need to have it."

He went to respond but the door swung open and Embry and Jared walked in, eyes taking in everything at a glance.

"We switched off with Paul and Sam," Embry informed me casually as he touched my shoulder and passed me by on his way to the couch.

"Yeah, and Paul was being extra douche-y, so heads up with that," Jared made a face as he punched my arm casually, just as casual as Embry-but my arm shot out quickly and my hand grasped him by the scruff of his neck. It was reflex, and a _complete overreaction_ , but a growl surged through my chest. Jared's eyes widened for a second, but I was already relaxing my hold.

 _Breathe, breathe,_ I reminded myself.

"You're treading mud inside," I playfully pushed him away by the neck.

Billy rolled his eyes in the background, but his shoulders were tense. We were all trying to pretend that everything was okay, _the same as always_ , when it wasn't. But no one knew what else to do, and frankly, I was too tired to _not_ pretend.

The phone rang, but no one went to pick it up; we all knew who it would be. My gut clenched-it felt wrong to ignore Bella, but just the fact that my hand started to shake reminded me why I had to stay away.

"You'll have to deal with her eventually," Billy continued where they left off.

"I know that," I sighed harshly. _Fuck_ , I was done with this conversation. Missing Bella was hard. Harder than I thought it could be. "But _I'll_ decide when it's time to deal with that problem."

Embry sat on the couch, and shook his head. "Only you would be in a situation where a girl desperate to hang out with you is a problem."

I nodded, and couldn't help but smile ironically, because he was right: _only me_.

* * *

The best thing about being a wolf was the way the earth felt beneath my feet. Sometimes it was like I was flying, like the ground was transforming underneath me.

The worst thing about being a wolf was being an alpha. If I'd have known all the shit that came with it, I would've fought the urge, the instinct to _dominate_ harder. I would've done something, anything to not be what I was.

The responsibility was suffocating at times, and all I had was an image of Bella to calm me down or set me off depending on how much I missed her in the moment.

Now that it was two weeks, I finally realized why Sam had apologized, and _damn right_ he should be sorry.

That _fucker_ -I was expected to be father _and_ mother to everyone.

Embry needed a hug because his mom refused to give him a straight answer about his father? I had to give him a manly pat-there was _no way_ we were hugging it out unless someone was hurt or dead. But it wasn't an emotional duty, I literally _had_ to console him.

My bones would itch, and my heart would pound in my chest painfully until I did. It was like my entire body knew that he needed to be consoled, and my instincts wouldn't let me rest.

Jared needed an ear to listen to his fears about imprinting changing him? I had to be that ear, willing to not say anything, and just be there. What _I_ needed was to get a decent night's sleep, but that didn't matter.

Sometimes it would wake me up in the middle of the night, the sensation that he needed to talk to someone.

It was annoying and inconvenient, but on nights like tonight, I was grateful that I always knew when one of my pack needed me.

"You don't need to be here," Paul spit blood onto the sidewalk. It was strange, to see him so humbled. I didn't like it and everything in me wouldn't stand for it.

"Who did this to you?"

The words were to give him a sense of control; I already knew and the rage was building up inside me. I was a volcano, and my wolf was rolling in the lava, letting it sink into the flesh underneath the fur. Hate came easy to me these days. Hell, maybe it always had and I just never noticed.

"I can handle this," Paul snarled.

I invaded his space in a second, my hand holding him in place by the back of his neck just like Jared. But this time it wasn't followed by playful push.

My forehead touched his, and I snarled right back, "You don't _ever_ talk to me that way."

There was no pretending anymore. Not tonight. Not when there was blood all over the side of his face and neck where there had to have been a wound.

I didn't care that it had healed, probably in seconds. It had been there. Someone had hurt one of my pack. And I really should've been focused on that, but I was already focusing everything I had on keeping my body from trembling.

Now really wasn't the time for a power trip, but there were too many emotions rolling through me. Too many shades of rage grappling for my attention.

Paul didn't apologize but he looked away, baring his neck at me slightly. It was enough. Paul's pride was a mountain, and it had already been attacked that night. I understood that. My pride was made of the same thing as his.

"Who did this to you?" I repeated, my forehead leaning heavily against his.

This was too close for comfort, but we both needed to feel each other, feel the safety in leaning on each other, feel the safety in _pack_.

I wanted him to tell me, even though he already knew that I knew, because it was like permission to do something about the situation; I didn't want to invade his life and make decisions without his consent; I didn't want to be Sam when I was still learning how to be Jacob.

"My dad," Paul whispered.

His voice trembled against the wind, and my body knew he needed control, authority, violence. He needed to soak in the blood of his enemies, but I couldn't summon enemies on a whim.

I couldn't give him what he needed, and I felt like such a fucking failure, man. All of this was so messed up, too messed up sometimes. So, I let him go and took a step back.

"Go sleep in Rachel and Rebecca's old room. I'll wake you up for patrol in a few hours."

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

It was the honest truth, too. Every party of me wanted to attack Paul's dad, bathe in his blood, inhale his essence until his fury and fear created a cocktail of vindication inside of me. But I wasn't sure I was ready to give in to the wolf that much. I wasn't sure I'd ever be ready.

* * *

The phone rang again as I walked into the house from patrol, but after the emotional rollercoaster with Paul last night, I didn't have it in me to ignore Bella.

"Hey," I said lamely. I wanted to be suave but I didn't know how, and I was too tired to really try.

"Jacob!" Bella's voice was honey and lightening in my ears.

My hand started to tremble from missing her so much, but, _fuck, I just gotta breathe through it_. But breathing while talking to Bella had always been a problem for me. Apparently being alpha didn't change that. I'm pretty sure it just made it worse.

"I'm so glad you picked up! I was two seconds away from going down there and forcing my way passed Billy," she joked, but I could hear the tinge of honesty.

She'd been ready to fight for me. A slow smile spread across my face; my chest felt warm; my heart felt like it was buckling and bursting.

"I would've paid to see you go toe to toe with the old man- are you sure you don't want to come down here and go with your original plan?"

It was easy teasing her. Normal. But nothing was normal anymore, and I couldn't forget that.

"I'll be there in 20-" she shuffled over the phone. I didn't want to seem harsh, but before I could think it through I snapped, " _No_."

The silence overwhelmed us and I wasn't sure how to fix it.

"Bella…" her name dropped from my lips like a prayer. _Fuck, I missed her so much_.

"What's wrong, Jacob?" her voice was tight, tense, concerned, _innocent_.

But she had ran with vampires. She had fallen in love with my enemies. She couldn't be that innocent—the thought tore at me.

"Jacob, talk to me," she pleaded and I didn't know what to say.

How do I tell her that the desire to see her consumed me so much that I was afraid to see her? How do I explain that her voice brought hope when I thought I was drowning? How could I tell her that hope was probably the most dangerous thing in the whole world?

"We can't see each other right now," I sighed bitterly.

"You're not sick!" Bella called me out on the lie. I should've lied again, stuck with the lie all the way to the grave, but I was drugged by the sensation her voice caused in me.

It was a bitter peace that I wasn't sure how to deal with.

"No, I'm not." I could feel her frown through the phone. Her face was imprinted in my mind and I knew exactly what I was afraid of.

"Then why don't you want to see me?"

Her tearful voice was acid in my lungs; I felt like such a douchebag.

It wasn't the wolf. The wolf was fury and dominance and fire. The heat of the wolf consumed me, intoxicated me with the rush of power.

Power tasted like pleasure and sin: savory, juicy, and whiskey, slow burning in my chest

No, my fear took the form of Sam and Emily, Jared and _Kim_ -his new imprint.

Imprints. Imprinting. Invisible _chains_ that ripped at the very fabric of who people are.

What if I imprinted on Bella? What if I _didn't_? My breaths grew short in panic. I didn't want my choice, my feelings hijacked. But imprinting also vindicated my emotions, all the effort and _pushing_ that I had done.

I was hurting her because I was selfish and afraid of whatever truth I would find in her eyes. Shit, maybe I wouldn't find any truth at all, which might be even worse.

 _Then why don't you want to see me?_

"Come over," I blurted out.

I wasn't sorry either. I wasn't a coward, not before I phased and sure as shit not afterwards. I knew I wouldn't hurt her, and whatever the outcome…well, it would be what it would be, and hiding from her wasn't going to change that.

"Did you turn bipolar while you 'had mono'?" Bella said acerbically, though I could practically feel the way she bit her lip on the other end of the line, the way she quirked an eyebrow— _fuck,_ just picturing her made me want to groan in pain of the _best_ kind.

"No, I just—" my eyes went to Sam who walked through the door. He was living proof that looking a girl in the eyes can change everything. "I want you to come over, but I need you to know something before you come."

Sam inhaled sharply. I could see the wheels turning in his head, and what he thought I was going to do. Bella already knew about vampires, we assumed considering she'd been dating the leech for months, so it wasn't a far stretch to werewolves.

He didn't try to stop me though, and his gaze was an anvil on my back, breaking everything that kept me upright, leaving me bare. But this was my beta, my right hand, though we were still testing the limits of that bond. Nonetheless, he didn't say a word because he had an automatic trust in me that was unfathomable and downright _ridiculous_.

The entire pack trusted me implicitly, so much so, that I was pretty sure they were all _fucking crazy_ , but that didn't change the fact that I had their blind trust and loyalty; this knowledge didn't make the decision any easier.

"Jacob? What do you need me to know?" Bella repeated for the second time. I hadn't noticed, too busy trying to form whatever words would bring me peace, some kind of salvation.

 _I love you_ , but I couldn't say that. _I love you without an imprint, without any magic or supernatural interruption._ It didn't matter that those words were real, that this feeling was real, that this was what I honestly wanted to say and fuck the rest. Because it was too much, too soon, and neither of us were ready for the bombshell explosion of _what-now?_ we'd have to deal with.

Instead, I tried for the closest thing to the truth. "No matter what happens when you get here, _no matter what_ , Bella, _you are my vision of love_."

"What?" she whispered, and I knew she was trying to fit everything together like a jigsaw puzzle.

"I know it's _heavy_ and really too damn early in the day for these kinds of talks, but I just need you to know, even if we never speak again after today, you're my vision of love."

"Jacob—"

I didn't want to hear her deny my feelings, or her own—whatever they were. Whatever _we_ were, that didn't change that I loved her, and when I thought about love, when those echoes of love filtered through Sam into the pack, I didn't see what he saw; I saw Bella.

"Just come," I interrupted softly. Sam hadn't moved closer, and I didn't need him to. We were kindred, _connected_ like only brothers and pack could be. "Come over."

"O—okay," she said gently, but she didn't hang up and I knew she wasn't finished. We breathed together over the line, silent, taking in the peace, the tension, the anxiety that threatened to overwhelm us. "I'll see you soon."

She hung up and left me with a feeling of discontent. I knew that she'd had more to say, but maybe over the phone was a shitty time and place to say any of it. I was such a fucking idiot—

"What are you going to do if you don't imprint?" Sam walked fully into the room. His eyes were compassionate, and I thought that maybe he was the only person who truly understood the fear and hope that simultaneously attacked me.

I shrugged, "What can I do? If I don't imprint, then we're not meant to be, I guess. If I don't, then I guess I was wrong all along."

"Don't do that, Jacob," Sam put a hand on my shoulder, but I didn't feel my body shake or the rage that was so deliciously foreign crescent inside of me. No, he was my beta, and he was _being_ my beta. My _rock_ , and after the two weeks I've had, I really needed someone to be my shoulder to cry on. He continued, the warmth of his hand soothing the need for connection and pack that I always felt. "The gods may have decided that Emily is the perfect fit for me, and they were right. Emily is what I need _now_. But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't have chosen to stay with Leah if I'd had a choice. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't _choose_ to be with Leah _now_ if I had a choice, because choice matters. We may not have been a perfect fit, but I was okay with our imperfections…if the spirits decide that Bella is your imprint, then you're a luckier guy than me, but if they don't, it shouldn't change a thing. Not if your feelings are genuine."

"And if I imprint someday?"

Now it was Sam's turn to shrug. "If you imprint on someone else, well, you're _alpha_ , aren't you? _Be_ the alpha that you are and shake it off. If anyone can, it's you."

It was such a simple answer that I couldn't help but grin and shake my head. Who'd have thought I'd see the day that Samuel Uley was stroking my ego. But he was also right.

 _I wasn't born to fucking obey ever_ , I'd thought the day I became alpha, and it was still true.

Imprinting was no different. It couldn't be. Not when the rage and power inside of me felt like seduction and inferno—a blaze so great that it could bring the world to its knees if I let it, let alone a fucking imprint.

"Thanks, Sam." I meant it—the desire to phase, to rip and kill that had come in a wave all week felt settled somehow.

"No problem," he stepped away and went to my fridge. I was really going to need to take on more cars to fix if I was going to have the pack strolling in and out of my house to raid my fridge. Sam grabbed an apple. "Honestly, I thought you were mad at me."

"I was, and you damn well know why," I deadpanned. It was true, and irrational at the same time to have expected him to have fought harder against me when he couldn't have fought harder. But _fuck it_ , it was how I felt. He understood though, nodded, bit into the apple, and strolled out the door the same way he had come in.

I shook my head again, and realized, maybe we were all jigsaw puzzle pieces, learning to fit together.

* * *

Bella arrived eight minutes after Sam had left. I wasn't surprised, but I was impressed. I didn't know that the old girl could drive that fast—a twenty minute trip boiled down to ten. She probably broke something going so fast on the road, and I realized I'd probably need to check it before she left.

 _Another_ thing to add to my list, and bitterness congregated in my throat.

But the bitterness didn't last, couldn't last, because Bella hopped out the truck, stumbled a bit, and righted herself determinedly; she was strong when she wanted to be, and it was so fucking beautiful that it honestly stole my breath.

 _She_ left me breathless.

All I could do was stare at her from where I stood, leaning against the porch railing. My eyes pierced hers as she walked over, and we were like we always were. Talking without words, existing easily, like the best of friends, and the greatest would-be-lovers-if-only.

"You cut your hair," she noted quietly. I could tell that she was worried and anxious, but my hands started to shake again.

 _Breathe, breathe_.

But breathing was the least of my worries as she came so close that her chest almost brushed against mine, and her hand lifted, her elegant fingers ran through my hair. My body flushed with desire, and I could barely bite back a moan.

Her fragrance was sweet and sour, which should've been strange at best and fucking appalling at worst, but she was Bella. She was Bella and my vision of love and the sourness of sadness and despair that clung to her like a skin tight dress was just another part of that vision.

I wanted her _no matter what_.

"Bella," my hand curled around her neck, but unlike with Jared and Paul, it trembled in barely unconcealed desire, and _what the fuck is wrong with me?_

"You got a tattoo?" she raise her other hand and touched the design on my arm.

 _Fuck_ , it didn't matter that I didn't imprint on her, because she'd already imprinted herself onto my heart. _Shit, shit, shit, don't lose control._

But I was barely holding on. This fire wasn't like the other, there was no pleasure sowed into the headiness of power. This fire came from my gut, and swirled like a tornado.

I was a tornado, and without thinking about it, my mouth swooped down and pressed itself to hers.

 _Bad idea, bad idea,_ but fuck it felt like the _greatest_ idea I'd ever had. She froze underneath me, her lips stiff, but I didn't move away. I couldn't move away.

If she didn't want me she'd have to show me, push me, bite me. Anything. Anything other than this nothing, which might not be nothing at all.

After a few seconds, her lips relaxed, and she tentatively kissed me back.

 _Yes, yes, yes, fuck—_ I was demented, and this wasn't why I asked her here, but my hand fisted in her hair, and her fingers were clutching at my own.

We were pressed to each other, breathing each other in, in this new way. We were molded to each other and my trembling had gotten out of control. We were practically _vibrating_.

She loosened her hold on me, and I knew my time was up. I also knew that after tasting the nectar of her lips, I'd never be able to go back. I'd never be able to step away. Not without trying my hardest to keep her right where she was.

"Wow," she let out a nervous dry laugh. The tip of her nose touched mine, and I realized that I was still holding her up, keeping her face level with mine—I really needed to get my shit together.

I let her down, and smirked cockily, "Wow is right."

She gave me an unimpressed looked, and I couldn't help but feel the trembling relax. Snap. Twist.

It was hope, and I was submerged in it.

She could see the change on my face, because even though I let her go, she didn't move away. There was a natural skittishness around her that was endearing, but she was focused solely on me right now, and it felt good. Really good. Too good, maybe.

"What's going on, Jacob?"

Her question was as serious as her somber face, and I couldn't hide from any of it. I didn't want to, either.

"I'm a wolf," I whispered. I threw it out there fast, because if I waited I'd never say anything.

"Like, metaphorically?"

I smiled bitterly, "No. Not metaphorically. _You know_ what I'm talking about."

She gasped, eyes wide like a deer, but she didn't step away. She didn't step away and that mattered a hell of a lot more than it should've.

"How?"

"The Cullens activated the gene. Now, we've got all these vampires running through town—"

"Oh my god," she looked like she was going to start hyperventilating. My hand tentatively, gently, stroked her cheek.

"Hey, hey, we're okay. We're good," I tried to console, but what the hell did I know about consoling anyone about this that wasn't pack. I could barely console myself about my current situation.

"Did _they_ know that—"

"The Cullens knew that they triggered the change. They just didn't care." My voice was hard, but I couldn't help it. They were my enemy. Everything in me wanted to search and destroy just at the thought of them.

 _Those fuckers should burn for what they've done_ , but I couldn't let myself get lost in that. The hatred and anger was too easy to call, because it never really left. It was always there, underneath the layers of emotions that fought for control, waiting like a tsunami to rise.

"What does this mean?" Her eyes held trust, just like my pack, and _damn it_ , why did people react like that suddenly to me? Was it the tenor in my voice? Was it the fact that I look like I'm in my early twenties now instead of sixteen?

"It means that I'm tied to the reservation, now. I hunt vampires as my day _and_ night job—protect the tribe."

"You can't _hunt_ them! Are you insane?" Bella's said wildly, and she was so beautifully untamed when she was scared and protective all at once.

"We're _built_ to kill them, Bells," I smiled. It was almost normal, except that it really wasn't. "Everything about me now is made to find them, to kill them. I'm a monster now, too. Just a different kind."

" _Stop_ ," Bella commanded, and it was sexy as hell. But the wolf in me didn't understand sexy that well. All the instinct inside of me understood was that I'd been given a command, and I coiled, ready to strike. I tensed every muscle in my body, holding strict control over the instinct to attack, to dominate her in every way possible.

"You are _not_ a monster," she continued, oblivious to my struggle. "You might be different now, but you are _nothing_ like a monster. Not even close."

My body slowly relaxed, as the fire of desire started to swirl slowly. I was still me, and wanting Bella would always probably trump any other instinct. I needed to distract myself, before I tried to devour her again.

"Well, anyway, this is why I've been MIA. I phased and became alpha, so things have gotten super complicated."

"What do you mean you became alpha?"

"Sam was the alpha, the leader, until I phased. My wolf is too dominant to submit to anyone. So we fought, and I won."

"Is he okay?" The worry in her eyes and voice were _exactly_ what my wolf needed. A simple question, but that was all it took for my wolf to understand that she was worthy, she was _pack_ somehow, yet not quite. But it was enough. She was enough.

She cared about my pack, and that was all the vindication I needed that I'd made the right choice in loving her.

"He's good as new, now. We heal fast."

"Alpha Jacob, huh?" Bella teased, and I couldn't help but throw my head back and laugh. I couldn't help the slight giddiness that I felt at hearing her acknowledge everything that I was.

"It's a shit job, with even shittier pay," I quipped, but she caught truth in my eyes. I could see it in the way the smile left her lips.

"What can I do?" she asked me, shoulders straight as though she were preparing to march into my world and do whatever I asked.

"Don't leave me," I joked, but it wasn't a joke at all and she knew that too. Shit, if I thought she could deliver, I'd have asked her to love me instead.

Bella took a deep breath. She was struggling, but I couldn't carry her struggle and my own. Not anymore, and it sort of sucked, but it was right, too. We both had to learn to handle our shit on our own sometimes. Guess, this was what growing up looked like.

Finally, she said, "You said I'm your vision of love?"

"I meant it," my heart pounded intensely in my ribcage and I could hear hers drumming to the same beat. _In sync._

She bit her lower lip. "I know, but—I'm not sure _I_ know what love looks like. E— _He_ didn't love me, and I thought that he did. I thought that we were what love looked like. But we weren't. I won't leave you, not as long as you want me with you, but I wasn't lying when I said that I'm broken."

I heard what she said, and what she didn't say. She wanted to be better, she just didn't know how. She didn't know, and I wasn't sure I could show her. But I could give her all the time to figure it out on her own. Next to me.

"That's okay," I wrapped my around her waist, lifted her up again, and let my nose graze hers. "You can take all the time you need to figure out what love looks like to you. I'm not going anywhere. And if neither are you, then we can figure it all out."

"We've got this," she said with confidence. Complete faith in _us,_ our enduring friendship, our maybe-could-be-love, clearly giving her strength.

Her eyes sparkled, and I felt a contentedness inside of me while I held her. Shit, this was probably going to be a fucking disaster—me trying _not_ to push for more now that I've tasted the sweetness of her lips slanting over mine, and I didn't even want to think about what Billy was going to say when he found out that I told her about the pack.

But none of it mattered.

Somehow, in this moment, we found a hope that though we couldn't be who we'd been—her: naïve in love, and me: naïve of the monster within—we could still be something, together.

* * *

So, what do you guys think? Love it? Hate it? Let me know and Review! **Reviews are love**


	3. Good, Bad, and Ugly Truths

Disclaimer – I own nothing

A.N – Thank you guys so much! You're all so wonderful that I could give you each a hug! I know it's been a while, but I just couldn't get this chapter right for the life of me. I saw a few people were confused as to whether or not Jacob imprinted on Bella, and the answer is: **Jacob did not imprint on Bella**. Sorry for the confusion! But, hopefully this chapter will be everything you guys hoped it would be.

To **KatherineKatrinaBloomSalvatore** , **PastOneonta** , **teamjacob0729** , **BeckieT108** , **xXElite WolfXx** , **YaleAceBella12** , **echo58** , **Conflicted Soul** , **bellbee24** , **deadliestdistractionRN** , **Arwengeld** , **MageVicky** , **Twisted Musalih** , **4Gracie04** , **PsychKey** : I'm so grateful that you guys continue to read and enjoy this story! You are all my muse, and I take your words as motivation to keep going when words want to fail me. This is honestly the hardest thing I've ever written. Writing from not only a wolf's but a teenage boy's POV is hella-hard for me, but knowing I haven't completely failed and that you guys are enjoying it is everything.

To all who followed, favorited, and/or read silently: Thank you for reading! :D

 _/Gravity is working against me_

 _Gravity wants to bring me down_

 _Oh, I'll never know what makes this man_

 _with all the love that his heart can stand/_

–Gravity, John Mayer

Chapter 3 – Good, Bad, and Ugly Truths

Bella's hands shook the longer she sat in my kitchen, silent, taking in everything that I'd told her, so I mentioned that I was hungry. I knew she'd jump at the chance to make me food, to do _anything_ other than contemplate that I wasn't as normal as she thought I was…or so I thought, but her hands still shook as she grabbed things in the kitchen and I knew it wasn't all about me. It couldn't be.

"Alright, Bells," I finally cut in after her third attempt to open the seasoning. _What the hell was she making anyway?_ "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?" she didn't even turn to me, which made _my_ hands shake.

 _Relax, relax—_ but the blatant disrespect was getting to my wolf. Everything about her ignoring me was wrong on so many levels.

"I mean," I got up and invaded her space. My hand grasped her forearm without my permission, but I tried to be gentle as I turned her to me. "Why are you so anxious? And don't say it's nothing, because _clearly_ it is."

"I just—I realized something, that's all." Her eyes were on everything except me, which was a red flag. But suddenly there was an itch in my chest, and I knew what was coming.

"What did you realize?" I tried to speak softly, but _fuck_ , the itching in my chest was getting worse, and it was like pulling teeth to get Bella to just come on out with it.

"You said there's been vampires running around lately…"

"Yeah, so?"

The itching had turned to scratching—so deep I was sure my chest must've been bleeding on the inside for sure.

"So, that means _other_ vampires that aren't the Cullens," she breathed out harshly, but I still didn't understand what the big deal was.

"Okay?"

 _Focus, focus_ , but the scratching had accelerated to clawing.

"Do any of them have red hair?" Bella asked quietly.

My chest _burned_ , and I grunted. I wanted to pay attention to what she was saying, the importance of it, because I knew somewhere in my head that she'd just made a fucking huge revelation, but I couldn't focus.

Not on her. Not when one of my pack needed me so clearly.

"Shit, Bella," I back away clumsily, swaying, shaking, _burning_ from the need to get to Paul. "I'm sorry—we're not done here, I swear, but I've gotta go."

"Why? What's wrong?" Her eyes were frantic and worried and _on me_ like I always wanted them to be. But _PaulPaulPaul._

"Paul needs me," I gasped and almost went crumbling to my knees, the burning was _so much worse than it'd ever been._

I could see the confusion in Bella's eyes—she didn't understand. She couldn't understand, but she waved me away anyway. "Go—go to him. I'll still be here when you get back."

I turned without another word and ran out of the house; love burned in my stomach for her deeper than I thought it could.

* * *

When I finally, _fucking finally_ , reached Paul, my eyes zeroed in on all the blood. There was too much—fuck, what happened?

He was on the floor, breathing harshly, fists clenched, body turned into itself like a baby. The scent of blood consumed, but I just needed to focus. I just needed to reach him.

But my body walked _so_ slowly, it was like my entire world was in slow motion—until it wasn't and suddenly, everything was rushing to me.

The blood covered my hand as I turned him around, the sound of his heartbeat played drums in my own veins, the sound of another heart beat running away drummed out of sync, and I knew what had happened.

"Paul," I croaked out. Shit, what was I supposed to do? But my body transformed without thought, and I let my instincts take over. My rough tongue licked his wounds, and I couldn't think.

There was nothing except the heat of Paul's body, the song of his heart, the steady rhythm of his breath, and my own imperative to _protect, protect, protect_.

I could feel the need of revenge, slaughter, slowly climbing the more color there was in Paul's cheeks, the warmer his body became.

 _That fucker_ —Paul was my warrior to order, my brother to protect, and I felt the failure acutely as I phased back, and looked at Paul's face. He must've seen something in my face, because he tried to sit up suddenly, but he didn't have the strength and I firmly kept him down with one palm.

"Don't, please," Paul whispered brokenly, and I just couldn't.

What kind of animal was I that Paul, proud and loyal, _fierce_ , was begging me not to attack the person we both knew was responsible. If Paul wasn't a wolf, he'd be dead.

I begged him to understand, "I can't let this go."

My bones shook with the strength to shift, change, _find and attack—kill_.

"Please, please" Paul's eyes were wide with pain and a love I wouldn't be able to understand even if I had a thousand years. It was a love that gave without ever taking, and he was stronger than all of us combined that he still found the will to continue giving—even after _this_.

But _never again_.

I shook my head, and bent to pick him up. He struggled, but my wolf was too close. A growl ripped through me and and echoed in the forest. I needed to take care of him, and I needed him to let me.

Paul whimpered as I lifted him in my arms, and carried him through the woods. _Fuck_ , a normal person would've been dead ten times over.

The savagery that Lahote Senior must've committed—there weren't words for me to contemplate. it was all too much.

Once we made it through the tree line, I halted. Bella was still in there, I could smell her scent as it wafted to me. It felt as though I could taste her on the wind, and _shit_ I wanted her—her comfort, her love, _her_.

Paul had fallen asleep in my arms, and this was so fucking weird, but it made my wolf practical purr to know that he felt so safe. To know that _we_ , _I_ , made him feel that safe.

I took a few steps, but I couldn't go further because I could see Bella through the window, wiping down the counter. Her hair was tied up high, strands framed her face, and she was everything good and pure in the world. Shit, she'd always be too good, too pure for a monster like me.

She didn't deserve to see Paul like this, broken, bruised, crushed beneath the weight of monsters worse than us—men with cruelty in their hearts born from hatred of their own pathetic lives and situations.

Paul didn't deserve to be humbled like this, showing so much vulnerability in front of a girl he didn't even know, except through images in my mind.

None of us deserved any of this.

But I could hear the wheels of my dad's wheelchair turn; he deserved to see the kind of actions he'd turned a blind eye to all his life.

With that in mind I walked on. My body felt heavy as Bella walked into the living room and gasped at the sight in front of her: fuck, I hadn't even thought about the fact that we were both naked.

Billy also appeared, but his gasp was filled with a horror that came with a touch of guilt—just enough to tell me he knew exactly who had done this.

My body started to shake in anger, the rage boiled too high, too hot, that I was sure I was burning the wood beneath my feet. But my shaking jostled Paul, and his painfilled whimper drained me of everything I had but sadness and despair.

"Son," Billy started, but the wolf was too close for me to hear him. I growled low, and walked on to my own room. Maybe I should've told him to lay down in my room in the first place; my scent all around him would calm him, help settle him.

Shit, we were _levels_ of fucked up, yet I couldn't help but be grateful. As I laid his body on my bed, and wrapped the sheet around him, I saw some of the tension leave his face; I was _so fucking grateful_ despite myself that my eyes burned in relief.

"What happened?" Bella whispered the second I appeared back in the living room wearing a pair of old and worn shorts. I didn't know what to tell her. The truth was too fucked up, and lies didn't role off my tongue as easily as they should.

"Jacob, I—" Billy tried, but I lifted my palm.

 _Focus, focus. Relax, relax._

I couldn't stop the bubble of hate that rode my veins when I heard his voice. This was the voice of the man who _let_ someone hurt Paul. This was the voice of someone who _knew_ , who had known _all along_ what was happening, and had done _nothing_.

I grit my teeth, and just breathed for a second.

This was still the man who loved me, who had raised me. This was still my father, my _dad_. I needed to keep that in perspective, but it was hard as fuck when he was also this enabler.

It wasn't until this moment, looking into the eyes of Billy Black, Chief, father, friend, that I realized that a man could be so many things—that a man _needed_ to be many things.

"I want him gone," I spoke softly. If I raised my voice any higher, I'd lose my shit for sure; I didn't want Bella to see me that way...I didn't want Billy to see me that way, either.

"It's not that simple," he tried to explain, but I was beyond explanations.

I walked until I reached him, and knelt on one knee so that I was level with his gaze. I didn't want there to be any confusion about how much I meant my words. "Either Paul Senior leaves La Push, or he'll be dead before night falls."

Bella's heartbeat sped up, but I couldn't focus on her. Not when I needed Billy to believe that I meant what I said.

Paul didn't want me to hurt his dad because he loved him, but I couldn't make that promise. Not when the wolf itched to find, to _kill, destroy, burn_ so that the ashes of his enemies could be smelled for miles. Paul Lahote Sr. was as much an enemy as any vampire.

He was so much worse to me, and I couldn't make promises to Paul because I was too much of a monster too.

Fuck, this was all I could do for Paul.

Billy must've seen that, or at least believed that I was serious because he nodded solemnly.

"I'll make a few calls. It might take a few days for him to properly leave—"

" _Today_ ," I snapped. My control was slipping, and everything inside of me saw the equivocation as defiance. I felt bad, but I couldn't risk killing Paul's father. And I would—if I even smelled him from a mile away, I'd rip into him until his blood was the only thing I could taste for days.

 _Shit, I'm so fucked up_.

Bella rushed to me, and her hand slipped into mine. She kneeled next to me, completely ignoring the fact that we looked like we were praying to the altar of a chief.

 _Focus_.

"I'm gonna stay inside for now," I breathed slowly, focused on my own heartbeat. Only, I noticed that my heartbeat was the same as Bella's. _We_ , and damn did I need that just then. "I'm not gonna leave the house until he's left and truly gone. But I won't be trapped in this house for _his_ sake. So, he has today. If night falls and he's still here…I won't be able to stop myself."

"I understand," Billy nodded, and he looked a bit like an old-man bobble head. But he didn't understand, not really, not what he thought he did.

"Tell him that he owes his life to _Paul_. If it were up to me, he'd already be dead."

Billy's eyes widened in shock and enough horror that my wolf relaxed. This was who I was now. This is who Billy needed to learn to love as his kid...because there was no going back. And maybe, after two weeks, I didn't want to pretend that I wasn't more Alpha than Jake anymore.

He rolled away, back to his bedroom to make his phone calls to the council. I knew that exiling someone from the tribe wasn't something to be done lightly—especially not someone who was from such distinct a bloodline and could still father children with the wolf gene.

But that was a problem for another day. I just needed him gone.

"What can I do?" Bella asked as she squeezed my hand. She might as well have been squeezing my heart the way my body reacted to her.

"I don't know," I shrug. "Not much to do. We're all pretty fucked up right now."

"Paul's dad did that to him?"

"Yeah, _that_ —" I bit my lip so hard I drew blood. I needed to reign it all in because if I didn't, I don't think I'd ever resurface from the bloodlust, the rage that felt so good and so terrible.

"I thought werewolves were crazy strong? Especially to go after vampires. Or is he not…?"

She shifted awkwardly, and it almost made me smile; she was still Bella, no matter how crazy things got.

"He is. His dad is just...brutal."

A heavy silence settled between us. We were still on bended knee, on the floor; we were still breathing, and there was something nice, _special_ , in that too.

Or maybe I had more issues than I thought.

"Why would his dad do that to him?"

Bella's voice broke a little, and I knew she felt how I felt. Her gaze was trained on my closed bedroom door.

"I don't know," my thumb brushed her knuckles softly. She didn't deserve to have seen such darkness, but it wasn't my job to protect her from life. I've got to remember that. I still felt like I should though. "Sometimes people just suck, I guess. I mean, there's a lot of shit in life, y'know? And we just all have to deal, but some people can't—never learned how, maybe. The point is, that's what it looks like when people break and give up. _Really_ give up. They try to break everyone around them too."

"What's going to happen to Paul?"

"He'll get up in a few hours, and he'll be fine."

"Maybe on the outside, but scars don't heal that easy," Bella bit her bottom, and desire stirred low in my belly. I stood up, and pulled her up too to distract me. Now wasn't the time for any of _that_.

I shrugged. "The pack is here if he needs it. And if there's a problem, I'll know."

My confidence seeped into the air around us, and it was nice to have that sense of knowing— _supernatural_.

"He's gonna be hungry when he wakes up," Bella let go of my hand and headed towards the kitchen.

" _I'm_ hungry _now_ ," I teased as I followed her into the kitchen.

I leaned against the doorway, watching her. Bella might trip and fall ninety-percent of her life, but never in the kitchen.

"So, how much food should I make?" she smiled, and I knew she was counting how many people she needed to feed.

"All of it."

Her eyes bulged, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"All of it?"

"Yup," my body walked over and invaded her space without my consent. Fuck, she intoxicated me, sometimes. "The pack's taken to strolling in and eating here. They'll smell the food a mile away."

"Is this another wolf thing?"

"I don't know. Maybe," my lips brushed against her hairline. The rage from earlier didn't burn as bright, but it was a chameleon and shifted into desire easily. "And wolves eat _a lot_."

"How much is a lot?" she pushed away a little to look at me better.

Curiosity made her eyes shine like citrine gemstone—and _why the fuck did I know what citrine was?_ Apparently I paid more attention in school than I thought I did.

"Well, let's assume that one wolf eats two full plates, at least three times a day to stay on point…"

"And how often do they eat here?" Her eyes weren't shining with curiosity anymore, but something deeper, closer to worry.

"At least once a day, if not twice."

"Jacob, Charlie and I are two, _very normal_ people and our food bill is still about $600, $400 if we're being careful with the budget or he's gone fishing more than once that month."

"Bella…" I _really_ didn't want any extra problems to think about.

"How many are in your pack?"

I sighed harshly, "Right now? Including me, five. But Quil looks like he'll change any day now, so that's six."

"Jacob—"

"I know," I snapped at her. I didn't mean to, but, fuck, I just needed a day. Just one damn day of not dealing with any problem stacked on top of more problems. My hands started to tremble, but I tried to keep it together. "I don't need the math to know this can't go on like it is for long. But we'll figure it out. Not today though, okay? Just, today, we're gonna be us, with the pack, and Paul is gonna be better."

It was all wishful thinking.

I knew it, and I could see it in her eyes that she did too.

"Okay," she gave a small sad smile. Her brows were still slightly furrowed in concern, but at least she was trying.

"Okay," I sighed, and let my forehead lean on hers. I needed to change the subject, desperately. "What were you telling me earlier? Before I ran out?"

Her heartbeat stuttered, and the smell of her changed to add a ripeness— _fear._

Her eyes were dark rum and anxiety.

"Tomorrow," she echoed my words, and I couldn't fault her though I wanted to.

Today we had enough to deal with. But the imperative to dominate, to be in complete control all the time was strong. Too strong.

"No," the word flew out of me, and fuck, that was unreasonable and I knew it. Bella glared, and I couldn't help but smile. She wasn't as broken as she thought. My hand touched her cheek, and she looked away. Still skittish—a kiss couldn't change.

Fuck, did I want her. But I had to focus. "Whatever it was seemed important.."

Her eyes came back to me, swirling within them a strange cocktail of anxiety and lust. "Jacob…"

"I've got you, whatever it is," I promised. It was so fucking true that the sky above could've fallen on me if I was lying.

"The red head you've been seeing—I think it's the same one who I had a problem with a while back."

"What kind of problem?"

"The kind where her mate tried to turn me, E— _he_ killed him, and she might want revenge," Bella bit her lip hard enough to bring me to distraction normally.

But, _fuck_ , I couldn't move past the fact that someone tried to _turn her._ Bella, vampire. Bella, vampire—my body was trembling, and rage ran too hot inside of my veins. My right hand dug into her hair and my left hand lifted her shirt a bit so that I could feel the heat of her back on my skin. I needed to feel her, taste her, _anything_ to remind me that she was okay. Alive.

"Where'd he bite you?" i growled, and I knew I was scaring her. I could practically taste her fear on my tongue, and I'm so fucked up that her fear was a bit of an aphrodisiac—my body trembled in pleasure and rage.

It was all together and strange, but none of it mattered.

She was alive. She was alive and in my arms.

"Where'd he bite you?" I repeated, and pulled on her hair a bit. I _definitely_ needed to relax, but the imperative to fight and fuck were warring too strongly. I was demented, and a monster, as my body tensed as Bella's fear tasted lightly of desire too. She liked me this way.

Hell, maybe we were both fucked up.

Before I could lose it, she lifted her wrist, and there, clear as day, was a silver bite mark. It didn't smell of anything except her natural elixir of anxiety and sadness, with an added touch of desire for me. The bite smelled just like the rest of her. It tasted just like the rest of her, as my lips pressed against her wrist, and a slight moan shook my frame.

Bella's gasp was taught and _so right_ , yet _so wrong_. This wasn't how we were supposed to be; we were supposed to be as easy as breathing, not whatever the hell _this_ was.

My lips trailed her arm, until they lifted back to her lips. Her fear wasn't as sour as her sadness, I noticed. There wasn't enough of it that I could focus solely on the way she she didn't take as long to relax as our first kiss. I could focus on the way she didn't push my hand away which had been making its way up her back until I practically memorized the exact arch in her spine.

I meant to say something comforting, lips still pressed to hers, but I think I needed the reassurance more than she did at the moment.

"You don't belong to them," I whispered harshly, as my lips trailed to her cheek, and down to her chin. Her labored breathing were the crashing of the waves in my ears, and I'd never wanted her so much. Too much.

 _You don't belong to them._

This shit wasn't natural, couldn't be. But she responded, "No, I don't," as her fingers ran through my hair and I was lost.

I groaned and pushed my body against hers. I wanted to feel every inch of her pressed against me until the slightest movement brought us both some type of pleasure. My fingers brushed against the side of her breast, but I knew this was too much, too soon.

"Shit, sorry," I let her go like she was made of scalding fire. Maybe she was my own special version of fire.

"Don't," she gazed into my eyes, and I was under her spell like the day she had come down to the beach with her friends and said my name with joy and excitement. "Don't be. Sorry, I mean."

My confusion must've been clear on my face, because she cleared her throat, and squared her shoulders. "Don't be sorry," she said clearly.

It felt good, to know that I hadn't scared her away. That I hadn't overstepped by losing my shit over the smell of her, over the taste of her desire and fear invading my senses.

But it couldn't erase that we had so many things to talk about. My mind couldn't help but picture her screaming as poison flooded her veins, her blood on sharp and glinting teeth.

I pictured her moaning and sighing breathlessly in _his_ arms, instead of mine.

I pictured her past, and I owned all of that shit...because I loved her. I loved her too fucking much, and she'd barely opened her eyes to loving me back.

I opened my mouth to try to address it, all of it or any of it.

"Later," she interrupted me before I could speak and gave that small broken smile of hers. Her eyes were soft, and I didn't feel like such a monster.

 _Tomorrow_ , I'd told her and she was asking for the same thing. I saw her, all of her...just as she saw me. We just needed to learn to _deal_ with everything that we saw. But who was going to teach us?

I sighed stressfully, the weight of us, of everything today crashing down on me, but nodded.

"Later" I promised, and her smile wasn't as broken in that moment.

It was a promise going both ways. It was a promise for so many things spoken and unspoken that I couldn't help but find her name, her past, the remnants of her broken soul etched into the story of my own heart in that moment, and I could tell that slowly, _so fucking slow_ that I could scream, she was finding the same thing about me inside of hers—even if she didn't realize it, even if she never admitted it; for now, just knowing was enough.

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